Uniquely Me!

 

   Here are some of my artistic endeavors.  They are created only for my own delight and shared in the hope that they can be felt by others.

 

Here are some of my poems.......

Of   Crimson’s  Delight  

 

It’s the chorus of crimson in the dark green forest

and the twinkle of   little lights above on cold clear nights

it’s in our difference that we draw our inference

And so destroy our capacity for apathy............

But what if my bluunder makes them wonder?

Should I try to dance and take the chance?

As I look around at my background and consider a sound

I feel my biggest shame is to maintain the same!

For some others too are looking around for the foreground

And there is no emotion as profound as crimson flowers all around.

 

 

 

Crayons  and  Blocks

 

Crayons in a box

And a pile of blocks

We had no a clue

Those trees can’t be blue

And yet we grow up

No longer pups with sipper cups!

We learn to assimilate

And then to imitate

Right and wrong

If it is not “useful” be gone!!!

But when I create

My sadness abates

O how I love to relate

To this most wonderful trait

Because I know if I stay in the lines

Myself I will never define

Here is some art work........

 

 

 

done with crayrons

 

Here is One of my chainsaw stump carvings....

the rest were destroyed as soon as my dad got a tractor to play with and ran out of uncarved stumps to dig up.

 



"My Ponderances"  - Some of my philosophical thoughts.
 


 

What is love?
 

Google search: Love
 

       This is one of, in my option, the seeming simplistic questions that seems to at best have just a vague answer. We use the word so much. I love you, I love ice cream, I love that crazy girl and if you were to ask me my greatest goal in life it would be to “Be in Love with Life”. Yet I have often found myself questioning what is love.

        It is often so hard these days to even find out if you are “in love” that we need Cosmo magazines and interactive webpages to give us diagnostic “love test” (try searching love in Google)….. if only there was an easy defined road to bliss, a road map, or a dvd that you could buy on the TV shopping channel.

        One of the most refreshing ideas that I have encountered in the area of love is in the in the writings of Leo Buscaglia. Leo never shied away from the topic. He wrote a whole book on love called “Love.”  He even expressed amusement in that he has a copyright on "Love". However, interestedly he never defined it. He mostly shared abstract ideas like love shared and builds bridges. Some of his most interesting ideas are that there is only one kind of love and love is a learned behavior. When you take a step back, you notice that Leo chooses not a definitive and completely a logical nor ration a definition. It seems a definition based in logic would have to come from an explanation of some chemical process of balanced neurotransmitters or something of that nature. But I am not sure we as humans have yet come to a point that we could even start to explain it in these terms. Even if we could grasp that knowledge I feel it would turn out just as inadequate as if I said your heart pumps blood to your brain and your brain is the center of all cognitive activity. It seems to me the machine definitions of emotion fall short. The depth of knowledge may grow greater but the conclusive definition remains vague. So maybe an ambiguous definition is not so bad. Maybe the tool we created to help us understand the world around us called “Logic” is inadequate in the case of love. Just as in our current number system it is not possible to describe the number pi and some other irrational numbers. We can approximate but it’s so elusive and abstract. Perhaps maybe we must appeal to a more “touchy feely or artistic ” approach.

        Yet I know I have felt love. I know I love my mother and I love the feeling of a fresh ripe juicy orange as I take the first bite and a get that tingling feeling a along my jaw. And Lets us not forget the unfair effects that a lovely sweet girl’s smile can have on a powerless little boy in a sockhat! Perhaps love must just be experienced to understand?

        I am also a believer that the lover must live in the moment. It seems to me you must let go of the ideals and expectations we try to hold above the things we love. I think the lover can’t be afraid or worried about losing what they love tomorrow. These thoughts of rationalism seem to hinder and hold us down. Lovers don’t hold back. This doesn’t mean just do what ever you want now with no regard to tomorrow or put yourself in positions where you know will be taken advantage of but the lover is not afraid of pain or hurt. They know it is part of life and you can’t live with out it. Sometimes I like to think that my orange wouldn’t taste so good if every thing tasted like chicken or if I had never had to eat liver. But instead the lover loves because he knows the possible pain and yet still gives his whole heart. Right  here and now! But lets not forget when you love with your whole heart you must also yourself and includes giving and caring to yourself in the future.

        There is also what I feel is counterfeit love. These are approximations of love but not quite the real thing. One example of what I am referring to is what I call, for lack of another term, transactional love. In many cases we love someone or do a loving caring thing and expect something in return. I don’t think this is true love. It is more of a transaction. If I say “I love you” and instead of an “I love you” back you just say “thanks” or even nothing I may get mad. I may even take back my “I love you”. This is because my love is depended. It’s just a contract in hiding. A gift of love expects nothing in return. A lover doesn’t write contracts. The gift to him is the reward. The motivation of a gift can be many different things and in many cases not always out of love. Sometimes I expect my payment and call it love. This is a pitfall marriage. Don’t get me wrong I feel marriage is a wonderful thing but it is often taken to be a binding contract. There is no deed for love and you can't own it. In my idealized philosophical view of love the gift should be from the heart now in the present not an agreement made in the past to be held to. An obtainment of a contract makes you feel you have achieved the goal instead of enjoying the wonderful journey. You can’t guarantee you will receive love back in the future. There is a risk. But the reward is high.

        Another confederate form of love of love is dependent love. This happens when someone feels incomplete without the love they think they need to go on. It is an easy trap to find yourself in. We forget we are a complete person on our own which is all we really need. Instead we sell our self short and  think we can’t go on.  We desperately try to avoid pain and cling to the old out of terror.  Thus we shut the rest of the wonderful world out. This dependent love is more of a fear then a love. It’s a fear of pain and of being alone. To try and save ourselves from pain we cling to what we think is love. Often casting aside our own needs and uniqueness to try to win affection from another.  What is left of you to love? How can someone love the you if it has been cast aside?

        Love must be built on. It must grow. It is sometimes unknown. It is hard and sometimes painful. It doesn’t expect. It is a risk. It is in the now. It grows out of the appreciation of ones uniqueness and can’t be earned by what you do for someone. It must be felt and left somewhat undefined. And it can't be owned.

I hope to always learn to love more completely, to give with out expectation and to live and enjoy things for what they are. I feel that acceptance and appreciation are closely liked to love as well as not expecting a return. I hope to feel love more than I think it or negotiate it and learn about it in sometimes irrational terms.

        These are my incomplete thoughts and are in no way a sermon. They are not intended show some way or directions to a place but instead shared thoughts on the subject. They remain unfinished and incomplete ……and hopefully never will be……